Depraved and helpless

That’s what I am… depraved and helpless.

You may choose to argue it, but you won’t change my mind. Why? Because that’s what scripture tells me about myself. And the older I get, the more I believe it.

It’s a hard thing to accept about yourself. Of course we all want to think that we can change ourselves if given enough motivation, encouragement or self-help books. The truth is, we can’t. We’re helpless to change ourselves and we start out life totally depraved.

“But, you’re a good person” you may say. Umm… no, I’m not. If the voice in my head was on a loud-speaker, it wouldn’t be pretty. How about your ‘inner-voice’… has it said anything recently that made you even more glad no one can read your mind?

Typically when I leave an event, party or even just work I end up ‘rating’ my conversations. And many times I fail my own rating system. Things left unsaid that should have been voiced, things voiced that should have been left un-said. Yup, I fail on a regular basis. That ain’t good!

Yes, that seems to fall on a very low ranking scale of ‘bad’ things… but the news is filled with ‘defamation of character’ charges made by others. How are mine any different? I’m not ‘big’ enough to make the news, but the words still make an impact on those around me. My words impact reputations, skew people’s opinions, and hurt feelings.

We want to think of ourselves as better than criminals we define as ‘bad’. Yet how many steps away are we from doing the same things? I believe all of us would choose to kill to defend a child or even ourselves if someone was seriously threating us. Self-defense or not, scripture says “don’t kill”… But I know I would to protect my little nephews.

One step away from being ‘just like them’.

Why do I say helpless to change? Romans 2 talks about how all of us are depraved and helpless to change. Only God can bring about change in our lives. It’s certainly been true in my life.

The only reason I’m not doing MORE hurtful, terrible things is because of the limits God has helped me put on myself. Believe me — I think it… I just don’t do it.

I’ve had friends say, “Oh it’s easier for you to be good…” They are only partly right. It’s not easier because I’m ‘me’, but because God is in me, forcing me to change. There are certain bad parts of me that I adore and don’t want to change because it’s tough. Too tough for my weak-willed little body.

So, God busts in and breaks me down, forcing me to view my behavior, opinions and thoughts the way He views them.

As total depravity.

Thankfully, He doesn’t just show me how bad I am… He shows me the ways He has planned to make the changes in me. He’s the best critic I know! My friends & family just point out the bad stuff saying, “You shouldn’t do that.” But they don’t do too much to tell me how to fix it.

And we all know how we can ‘act’ like we’ve changed outwardly. But changing the inward part is the un-known, un-seen, and un-spoken half which can eat away at our good intentions. And Satan uses that to convict us in our minds that ‘you’re not a good person’.

Yeah, God says the same thing about us, that we aren’t good… but He doesn’t leave us depressed about it. He shows us the way out.

Whether we choose to follow it is another question.

With His help I’m trying to… are you?