Poem from the Past

I moved recently and vowed to throw out all the ’stuff’ I apparently never needed in the first place – yet paid someone to move for me. Tonight I was watching a movie and going through a big pile of papers, shredding much of it, and I found this poem I wrote on notebook paper. (I think it’s from 2003.) Of course the irony of this particular poem was that it is written on the back of a page where I listed all the things I needed to improve upon, etc. Most of which I STILL need to work on. (Some, praise the Lord, I have already done!)

Here is the poem. You can see the cry of my heart in it – which does remain true to today. Have you ever felt this way?

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Oh Lord how I fail.

I fail myself daily – and You even more.

How can I continue on this path?

I’ve wondered why things have been so hard, so stressful.

It’s because I’ve turned to the rocky path and fallen away from Your guidance.

I suppose it’s my rebellion which made me reject Your wisdom and love and firm direction. Your hand faithfully leading me was not as exciting as the hand tempting me in another direction.

I let go and rushed after the other, desperate to find what I thought I had missed – and kept missing my goal – my ‘prize’.

Because I had taken my eyes from the true prize that which You patiently held for me – waiting for me to see the error of my ways, means, and habits.

Have I gone far, too far away on my own rocky path? No, just a step away.

But it was a gradual, continual movement and left unchecked would drag me away as driftwood in an outgoing tide.

Thank You for the rocks in my road – that I slowed my step to see the road in front of me. The path of personal destruction and stressful self reliance.

Help me to leap to the smooth road You’ve paved for me and let me grasp Your warm and loving hand to warm my chilled and weary soul.